I’m not one to obsess over finances.  I appreciate it and try to be mindful of our current state of finances and I hope to be financially independent someday.  But I don’t sweat it.  Money is great, money is good, money allows us to purchase the things we want in order to live comfortably such as a house, food, clean running water, heat in the winter, cold air in the 110 degree summers here.  It allows me to keep my yard looking green and lush instead of brown and dusty.  It allows my boys to enjoy luxurious and imaginative bubble baths at their leisure.  It allows me the peace of mind knowing that while I detest talking on the phone, I have means of communication with those who can help me in case of a car accident or breakdown.  It allows me to pay for the gas that goes into my gas guzzling SUV (paid off, by the way).  Clearly, while money brings some bittersweet feelings to some (or downright loathing to others), it does have its good points.  I am thankful for my husband’s desire to bring in the bacon, so to speak.  I am thankful for money, even when I had none.  I also discovered that the best way to obtain more of it was to NOT stress about it, do what you can, and communicate with people, and have faith that, yes, thoughts become things and if I thought positively about money, more would flow my way.  For those not aware of the Law of Attraction, it’s basically a lesson in faith and it does lead to happiness.  I can pinpoint how every single thing that I have in my life came from my own thoughts about it.

When I was a single mother, I went through a period of time where my income was cut in half.  This left me enough to pay my rent plus change.  Literally.  I had a crash course in meal planning, shopping planning, learning how to be disciplined enough to follow through on all of this plus how to come by the necessities for far less.  Like baking my own bread.  Making all of my food from scratch.  Learning how to cook and eat dried beans.  Learning how to cut my electric bill down to almost nothing.  Staying away from the drive-through and packing my own lunches to take to work.  Eating less and eating healthier was a side effect of this which paid off well.  I had to decide which bills to pay when, and if I came into some extra money, which ones to pay up or advance.  It certainly wasn’t fun, but I was so busy LEARNING during this process that I didn’t have time to panic, feel sorry, or be all woe-is-me.  It’s also not like me to be out of control of my emotions like that (sometimes it’s a good thing, sometimes not so much).  I cannot begin to say what a blessing this time was for me - I grew up so much.  I am immensely thankful for the path I’ve taken before and since, but I will forever be thankful for that time.  Ultimately, the entire thing was a lesson in faith and trusting that if I kept doing what was good, what was right, and doing the things that I could do to help myself out of that situation, faith was all that was left.  I didn’t sit idly by, hoping the government would bail me out, hoping my parents would help me, hoping that someone ELSE would help me - I did what I could and strived to learn more about the things I had yet to even discover.  It made no sense to me to panic when I had SO MANY BETTER THINGS TO DO.  I see people in a panicked state when money issues arise, and quite frankly, it baffles me.  The only thing you can control is your level of proactivity and panic inhibits that.  Natural reaction or not, it can be controlled and we’re all better off for it if it is controlled.  Applies to any area in your life.

During this time, I read the book, The Secret, and my whole life changed.  Even if you cynically justify all faith out of this, I’m still undoubtedly a better person for it.  I’m more optimistic, motivated, and level headed (even despite my already outward levelness).  Life has always presented me with the things I’ve needed, emotionally, spiritually, or materialistically.  For as long as I can remember, my New Years’ Resolution has been “Be more optimistic than I was last year.”  Each year, I reflect and see that I’ve succeeded.  It’s not hard once the concept that, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, there is always, ALWAYS, a silver lining.  Something learned, something gained.  No exception.  Anyway, immediately upon awakening my brain to these concepts (which offered me a lot of peace with my own confused spirituality, by the way), I saw how much control I really did have over my life and how my situation was already getting better.  Within months, I’d lost 30 pounds (I’ve never, ever been able to lose weight), went from single to happily married (thank you eHarmony), owned my first home, embraced another son (same age as my own son), and low and behold, child support started again.  While I wasn’t panicking during my own financial crisis, the book helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel.  If you’ve ever experienced that supreme calm in the midst of an emotional storm with faith that whatever happens is going to be all for the best, this is what I’m talking about.  The new understanding I have about the way things work now allows me that comfort in these times when they arise.  Love, faith, and gratitude are the emotional keywords here.  While this has nothing to do with religion, it has everything to do with your spirit or soul.  You don’t have to believe in a higher power to have faith in yourself and your own goodness.  Just for discussions’ sake, I do believe in God.  But my belief is that He is all encompassing and I do not believe in “His wrath.”  HE is love, a universal energy.

Fast forward a couple of years to today.  Life is still just as good.  But a declined debit card today at breakfast had me realizing that we’d allowed our gratitude for the things we have to move to the back burner.  A credit card and quick transfer of money made everything alright, but it’s not how we want to or typically do operate.  That was my cue that we need to pay closer attention to our finances for a little while.  Not to panic about them, but to simply be mindful of our purchases and family efforts (like making dinner and eating inside our home).  Oddly enough, while our debit card was declined, the lady at the register gave my husband 20% off our meager little meal for giving a caller directions to the restaurant.  My interpretation of that is that it’s God’s hand on my back, a whisper in the ear, suggesting that we be present.  A loss (declined card) balanced out by a gain (less expensive meal).  So, we came home and I finished setting up my husband’s information in my Mint.com account.  For those who don’t know, Mint.com is an easy to use (and pretty) interface for managing your finances and setting a budget.  I get text messages when a payment is due, when I’m over budget, and any number of other issues should I choose to receive alerts.  Every Friday, I get a weekly summary of our accounts sent to my phone, which is super handy for the weekend, of course.  The best part is that it’s as free as free gets.  They can offer this service by offering me, unobtrusively, a single page with credit card offers, investment opportunities, and the like.  Of course, if I sign up for one of those through them, they get a bonus.  I’m not interested in any of their offers, so it’s nice that it’s all out of the way.  And for the record, I’m not getting anything for my praise of this website, I just truly find this site useful.  Anyway, finishing merging my husbands information into my account helped me feel like I have a better mental picture of where we stand.  Where we stand is pretty darn good compared to what the joint checking account said.  It helps to look at the big picture and be able to utilize the smaller picture for short term goals.  Anyway, that’s what prompted this whole book of an entry.  Just being conscious of our finances, curbing our spending, being grateful for what we have, and having faith that “it’s all good” while I remain mindful of the technicalities.  Getting back to basics is a good thing.