Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A New Beginning and Reflection

We found out yesterday that The Man is being discharged from the Air Force due to medical reasons (he had a microdiscectomy last year and is unable to deploy to areas where body armor are required due to the weight).  We all have mixed emotions, save for the boys who are purely ecstatic because they think this means going back up to Alaska - and it very well might mean that.  He truly loves what he does and is good at it (I know this not because I watch him at work -I don't-, but because what he does is part of our family life, as well).  I love seeing my husband working in an area that he's good at and feels good about.  I don't care what he does as long as he's happy doing it.  The thing I'll miss the most is the (false) sense of security that the military has provided us.  The thing I dread the most right now is the unknown.  I'm trying to change my thinking so that it's more positive and look at this as an adventure.  I've gone through the gamut of emotions over the past 24 hours that we've known this was happening.  Anger, dread, hopelessness, panic, sorrow, tentative excitement, and now, even happiness is starting to peek through the clouds.  Like all things in life, this is just another stepping stone to our ultimate destination (which, funny as it seems, is also just a stepping stone).  As usual, "optimism rising."

Much of my fear came from the immediate assumption that we had to sell the house and move within the next couple of months.  It wasn't until I calmed down that I was able to really process this and realized that we don't have to do a darn thing until WE are ready.  We don't have to move.  We can stay here.  We own this home and our mortgage payment is nice and low.  Further, even if we were to move, we wouldn't have to sell.  My long term financial goals include owning investment property.  So, in my mind, after a bit of discussion with The Man, what we're going for right now is to stay here for a short while, until we can get all debt paid off and build up enough of a nest egg to purchase or build (I hope!) another house elsewhere.  I like this town, but I don't love it.  The Man feels the same way.  We won't be here for long, but just long enough.  That realization calmed 99.9% of my fears.

As far as the employment scene and finances go, I'm no longer concerned about that, either.  While I'm a stay at home mom, my skills in business administration are strong enough that I could most certainly start setting up interviews with employers today if need be.  Or, I could ramp up my own business efforts, which I'll probably start doing anyway.  Nevermind that there are unlimited possibilities for employment for The Man with his skills.  In all honesty, I think that in our upcoming situation, we may be making more money than we have been since we've been here.  Oh, I do hope so.

I got married and immediately transitioned from a single mom who loved and thrived in my job to a stay at home mother of two with no "stay at home mom skills."  It was a really hard transition for me, but I've been stubborn about making it work (possibly too stubborn?).  I took on this role, knowing that I could do it, I just needed to figure out how to do it.  For the first time in almost two years, I feel like I've got it.  I'm certainly not perfect (as illustrated by the mad rush to pick up and clean the kitchen before the A/C guys came yesterday on short notice), but I have the inner security of knowing that I know how to balance everything at home now.  The boys, the cleaning, the finances, the decorating, and essentially, turning this house into a home.  I knew a year ago that if I went back to work, I would be waving the flag of failure and well, I just can't do that.  I don't feel like I would be waving that flag now and it's a good feeling to know that you are, deep down, okay with whatever comes your way.  A new beginning, a new goal, and new accomplishments.

So, here we are.  Looking into the mirror and envisioning the future.  My keywords for this next chapter are love, security, abundance, and health.

6 comments:

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Hi, Steph! I wanted to thank you for stopping by, but I also wanted to say that I think your outlook is great! It's so easy to get discouraged and be negative...you are doing a fabulous job by looking at the positives in the situation. :)

m said...

It sounds like whatever happens you are prepared, no doubt life will be different, but exciting as well! Best of luck!

m ^..^

Angela said...

Good luck!!! I hope everything turns out great. It's so tough to completely switch careers, homes, everything! From Texas to Alaska?? That would be a crazy (but maybe fun) switch.

My husband just started his new job today. It's been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. We had been praying for a clear sign that he should take the new job...then his current job was eliminated, I guess that's clear enough. But it didn't come with the pay raise we expected, it was actually a decrease (huh??), so that's going to be an adjustment.

Even if you have to head to work, things will work out fine. :) But there may be some ways to make a little from home too....you just never know.

Steph said...

Thank you, Amanda. We're definitely trying to look at this as a door opening instead of a door closing!

Steph said...

Thank you! :)

Steph said...

Angela, Alaska to Texas wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. I love it here. The summer heat is hard to handle sometimes, though I am adjusting. It's just when it's above 100 that I start wanting to shoot myself in the head. LOL The most memorable thing about being here so far is the true "Southern Hospitality." Neighbors coming over to introduce themselves, a stranger unloading my cart into the back of my car at Home Depot (lots of heavy stuff) with nothing more than a smile, men holding doors for me, neighbors all waving hello, and just really, really warm people. Love it. Alaska's more rugged and tends to be more cliquey feeling. There are definitely things I love and miss about there, but this human warmth is wonderful for the soul.

Congratulations on your husband starting a new job! That sure is a sign! I hope the adjustment goes smoothly for you all.

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