2009 May | Annoyingly Domestic

May 27, 2009

My Boy Graduated Today

Filed under: Family — Steph @ 2:10 pm

My boy graduated today. From Kindergarten!!! What a year! Notable things of this year for him include him learning how to read (and read well!), how to tell time, addition and subtraction in math as well as a tiny bit of multiplication (of his own curiosity)… He had his first girlfriend (not incredibly pleased about this - back off, lady!) and he made some good friends. More importantly, with him and his brother being in different classes, they became better friends. Far better. I see how they are today and remember back through our first year all together as a family and am sent into a state of euphoria simply with the realization of how far we’ve all come and bonded as a real family. We may be technically blended, but the thought never crosses my mind. We are all one, strong family, and we are so blessed for it. We are all so blessed.

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May 23, 2009

Rainy Day

Filed under: Favorite Things: Nature — Steph @ 2:25 pm

I’m in love. It’s raining and we have lightening and thunder to boot. What a perfect Saturday. Happy, happy!

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May 22, 2009

Bathroom Renovation

Filed under: Uncategorized — Steph @ 6:51 pm

We renovated the guest bathroom. Here are the pictures. It was fantastic and all done for less than $1000 thanks to Sam’s Club and Home Depot.

This is the BEFORE picture. The lovely Pepto-bismol pink tiles and 1954 toilet and sink - this is not the kind of “classic” that I’m into. The toilet was the reason we started this whole thing. A week before J’s bio-grandma (his dad’s mother, whom we adore) was to come to visit, we went to replace this vintage toilet (haha) as it was running constantly, despite having been serviced thrice in the past year. See the back wraparound tile behind/above the toilet? Well, the builders of this bathroom built it really well and just removing that part turned into us removing it all, which turned into us gutting the bathroom down to the drywall. We had to remove it because our new “high efficiency toilets” from Sam’s were too tall. We did get the back tile off, but it left jagged, sharp edges and we all would have felt bad if she or the kids cut themselves.

Bathroom Before Picture

Bathroom Before Picture - there was a big upside down "F" scratched into that mirror when we bought the house. Um...teenage angst, perhaps? LOL

Bathroom Before Picture - Isn't that the cutest little tub you've ever seen?! I think I want to keep it, but lose the pink tile.

This is the AFTER picture!! With my Buxton Blue walls!!! *happy dance*

Bathroom AFTER picture

Bathroom After Picture (see the remaining pink tile? it's gonna go soon!)

Bathroom After Picture (some artwork awaiting its' new frame by the toilet)

Bathroom After Picture - My gorgeous wood floors

A finishing touch - Belindas Dream roses and purple petunias from my garden

A finishing touch on the window sill - Belinda's Dream roses and purple petunia's from my garden, in my favorite Crabtree & Evelyn mug

Everything you see there is from Home Depot except for the floors (Sam’s Club) and the towel cabinet (Bed Bath & Beyond). The light fixture is one of those builder “stock” fixtures, apparently, though I thought it went with the theme pretty well. It matches the ceiling dome fixture. I was stoked out of my mind to find that mirror. The mirror actually came with an ivory ribbon and hanging knob, but as much as I loved the ribbon, it wouldn’t have fit. The sink vanity is funny - I kicked and screamed about having something more traditional, but The Man pulled his rarely used “Boss Card,” and now I absolutely love it. The beadboard and trim was easy to install and the wood floors were a snap, too. The floors were the “all in one” flooring from Sam’s with the foam backing.

This was such a huge success. The Man had me set a budget on the fly and I thought it would be a fun challenge to do it for under $1000, having never done anything like this before. We did it for just over $850. We could have done it for a little less, I’m sure, had I had the time to go snooping around thrift or antique stores. We need to replace the door and window trim and when we replace the windows in the house, we’ll replace that little aluminum one in there, too, but that’s in a different budget. The shower’s in good shape, but it has the same pink and white tile work. I haven’t decided what kind of tile to use for the shower - I just can’t figure out what colors or textures. Any ideas? Plain white?

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May 21, 2009

Feeling Good About Your Day at Home

Filed under: Organizing — Steph @ 7:26 pm

Or better known as, ”Getting Your Shit Together.”

So, what’s all this I’m talking about and how does it relate to me? Well, the house was a wreck. Stuff everywhere. A living room full of unfolded clean laundry gathering dust (literally - it was six months of unfolded clothes and linens - I love using my new washer and dryer, but hate folding clothes). Important papers getting crumpled and wrinkled and lost while the UNimportant ones stood prominently about. ”Surface dirty” turning to “deep cleaning required” as the clutter prevented me from dusting, wiping, and vacuuming. Ugh. Just…ugh. To add insult to injury? I’m a stay at home mom with seven hours of alone time a day to get all of this taken care of. And I don’t even grocery shop! The Man loves doing that!

“What’s wrong with me?” constantly ringing through my head.

This transition from being a strongly independent single mom, working an office job that I absolutely adored, to getting married, becoming a stay at home mom of “twins” in a new, drastically different town (think Alaska to Texas different)…well, it wasn’t the easiest and for a period of time I was back on anti-depressants. Obviously, that was a huge change and now that I was at home, the kids were in school, and the husband at work, I knew I didn’t want to be a maid (housekeepers have a different, more positive emotional meaning to me before you jump all over me), but didn’t know how to clean and set up a new home without feeling like one. And being so used to doing it all on my own, I didn’t know how to ask for help. At least not in a way that would motivate and truly help. Anyway, it took a while, but I figured it out.

I’d done the Fly Lady program years ago, right after J had been born, and it had a huge impact on me. It truly changed the way I had looked at cleaning. I had a negative emotional reaction to cleaning when I first started with the program and after the first couple of days, that feeling was gone and it has never returned. Cleaning went from a dreaded event that nearly led to tears to a game that left me feeling like I had won every time. It’s just that, well…we get bored of the same old game after a while, right? And winning every time, well, we start to take it for granted. And then, when we’re talking about the cleaning game, habitual slacking leads to a landslide of catchup.

But now, at this point in my life, it’s not about cleaning. It’s about having a “Home Sanctuary.” It’s about creating that space for our family that we’re all proud of. And, yes, I want my husband to think I’m a wonderful homemaker. And I want to avoid that feeling of “not earning my keep.” My husband laughs and rolls his eyes nervously whenever I say that and we both know that’s not the way it is, but because I take this job seriously, it’s important for me to feel like my time here is spent well and not better spent working outside the home. Further, when the house is a wreck, it’s hard for me to feel like I have the time to devote to helping the kids with school work or art projects, which is, clearly, detrimental to their development, as well. I already know that I can rock the job scene, but what about home?

I had to do something to make myself happy with the home situation, as well as my family. I was finding it hard to get motivated to go back to the “shine your sink” methodical routine of Fly Lady. I still love her, but felt the need to graduate from “Fly Baby” status and look for a more grown up approach. Something that would make me really proud of myself. Developing my own plan would make me really proud of myself and lead to me wanting to keep up with my goals. I started by opening up my computer calendar program and made a schedule that encompassed every single minute of my day. I’ve heard that a lot of people do this, so I gave it a shot. That didn’t work. At all. I clearly need a more flexible approach because that method led to me feeling trapped. I sat there and thought about the things that needed to be done. I wrote them all down in my text editor. Then, I cut and pasted everything that fell into routine “chores” (I hate that word) into one column. Everything else, the larger tasks, stayed in the other column. After quite a bit of thinking, I finally settled on organizing these tasks by room instead of by type. One room at a time instead of making one big sweep through the house. For example, every Monday, I tackle the front of the house. The den and attached dining room, my blue room (second living room that was previously full of clean laundry), and the hallway. And because even that can sound more daunting than it is, I broke it down into only the absolutely necessary tasks in the order they should be done. Decluttering, dusting, vacuuming, windows, and airing out. Those are the basics for most rooms. I added clean the chairs to the dining room because, well, we have two six year olds and ivory microfiber dining room chair seats. I added water plants to the blue room because they typically only need watering once a week. So, all this on Monday, but when you break it down on paper so it looks like this (above).

It all looks a little more do-able, doesn’t it? And because I scheduled only every other day, anything that doesn’t get done on the scheduled day, can be completed on the next day. Also, because I really like pretty things, this had to be pretty. If I didn’t enjoy looking at this, I knew I simply wouldn’t. There are so many colors and fonts to choose from - one can really make a fun looking spreadsheet. You can even add a muted background image or print it out on pretty paper. I know, I know, but hey, whatever it takes! Anyway, I’ve saved it as an Excel workbook for download below. Check it out! It’s a work in progress, but I have the weekly task list that you see above, as well as pantry inventory, a master to do list, and menu planning page. Hopefully, it’ll be useful for you. Remember, it’s a work in progress, and nowhere near finished. As I refine my methods, the workbook will grow.

Household Management Excel Workbook

Time and home management for stay at home moms. I knew instinctually that it was important, but getting my head wrapped around it wasn’t the easiest thing. Now, I end my day feeling happy and relaxed as I hop into bed, not feeling heavy, beaten down, and then not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. I’m sleeping better (quality!) and getting up easier. They boys are happy because I’m more likely to make a decent breakfast for them as opposed to their usual quick pour cereal. Maybe I’ll even work up to making The Man breakfast in the morning. Ehhh…we’ll see. Maybe if he starts getting up a little earlier. ;)

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Setting the Tone for Summer

Filed under: Family — Steph @ 4:34 pm

Summertime at the beach in Alaska

Both children are in school and will continue with their summer “academy” after this school year’s over for a variety of reasons. The Man will continue working his normal schedule. However, I still want this summer to feel like a summer. Schedules aren’t changing much, though activities are, and I miss those childhood days of summer. I’ve been trying to reflect on what made summer feel like summer when I was a child and have come up with the following.

Sunshine! I grew up in Southeast Alaska where sunlight is at a minimum and rain, being the Tongass National Rainforest, at a max. Summer was about two weeks long and was absolutely the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever experienced. The warm, sea breeze, the fresh smell of earth and trees all around, the sun…the limited sun! The lush, dark green grass - the softest grassy carpet you could ever imagine.

Long summer day, playing outside

Playing outside from wake to bedtime. Playing HARD. Riding bikes, building tree houses, making bows and arrows, ambushing neighborhood friends in games of war (yes, a bit of a tomboy here…), playing (and sucking at) kick the can, jumping rope, lemonade stands on the big rock at the end of the street, raiding Mr. Ehler’s carrots, radishes, and sweet peas…

After all that, on the rainy days in between, my fondest memories were of times when my now passed Nana was visiting from Santa Monica. We spent a lot of time at the dining room table talking or with her helping me study. And my mom made the best Stouffer’s macaroni and cheese. Even though she microwaved it, she always browned the top under the broiler. That was my favorite part. I make my own mac and cheese from scratch now, which I strongly prefer to Stouffer’s, but my taste memory of that Stouffer’s will forever remain one of my absolute favorite summer memories. And yes, I ate it during other seasons, as well, but I associate it with summer.

The boys on a mission

Speaking of summer flavors, another that comes to mind is my dad’s BBQ chicken with sesame seeds, corn on the cob drenched with butter and salt, my dad’s homemade potato salad…eating out on the back deck. Big tubs of watermelon he’d prepare and leave in the refrigerator for us to raid as desired.

And I will never forget my mother, in an effort to reclaim some of her Beverly Hills tan, out on a lawn chair in the back yard, half nekkid. Of course, it’s nearly impossible to get a tan there no matter how long you lay out in the sun (it’s just not the same as it is in the “lower 48″). She still does that.

Beach Boys

So what kind of summer do I want for our family? I want the television to be at a bare minimum. Indoor play, as well - they need to be outside. We all need to be outside. Swimming lessons. The breeze flowing through the house. Lots of BBQing and eating out on the patio. Fresh flowers in the house. Staying up a wee bit later… Making our own ice cream. Eating lots of watermelon and fresh fruit desserts. Wearing light, flowing clothing…

What kind of summer do you want to have? What are some of your most cherished summertime memories? Any traditions - old or new?

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May 20, 2009

Of Faith and Finances

Filed under: Faith, Finances — Steph @ 4:08 pm

I’m not one to obsess over finances. I appreciate it and try to be mindful of our current state of finances and I hope to be financially independent someday. But I don’t sweat it. Money is great, money is good, money allows us to purchase the things we want in order to live comfortably such as a house, food, clean running water, heat in the winter, cold air in the 110 degree summers here. It allows me to keep my yard looking green and lush instead of brown and dusty. It allows my boys to enjoy luxurious and imaginative bubble baths at their leisure. It allows me the peace of mind knowing that while I detest talking on the phone, I have means of communication with those who can help me in case of a car accident or breakdown. It allows me to pay for the gas that goes into my gas guzzling SUV (paid off, by the way). Clearly, while money brings some bittersweet feelings to some (or downright loathing to others), it does have its good points. I am thankful for my husband’s desire to bring in the bacon, so to speak. I am thankful for money, even when I had none. I also discovered that the best way to obtain more of it was to NOT stress about it, do what you can, and communicate with people, and have faith that, yes, thoughts become things and if I thought positively about money, more would flow my way. For those not aware of the Law of Attraction, it’s basically a lesson in faith and it does lead to happiness. I can pinpoint how every single thing that I have in my life came from my own thoughts about it.

When I was a single mother, I went through a period of time where my income was cut in half. This left me enough to pay my rent plus change. Literally. I had a crash course in meal planning, shopping planning, learning how to be disciplined enough to follow through on all of this plus how to come by the necessities for far less. Like baking my own bread. Making all of my food from scratch. Learning how to cook and eat dried beans. Learning how to cut my electric bill down to almost nothing. Staying away from the drive-through and packing my own lunches to take to work. Eating less and eating healthier was a side effect of this which paid off well. I had to decide which bills to pay when, and if I came into some extra money, which ones to pay up or advance. It certainly wasn’t fun, but I was so busy LEARNING during this process that I didn’t have time to panic, feel sorry, or be all woe-is-me. It’s also not like me to be out of control of my emotions like that (sometimes it’s a good thing, sometimes not so much). I cannot begin to say what a blessing this time was for me - I grew up so much. I am immensely thankful for the path I’ve taken before and since, but I will forever be thankful for that time. Ultimately, the entire thing was a lesson in faith and trusting that if I kept doing what was good, what was right, and doing the things that I could do to help myself out of that situation, faith was all that was left. I didn’t sit idly by, hoping the government would bail me out, hoping my parents would help me, hoping that someone ELSE would help me - I did what I could and strived to learn more about the things I had yet to even discover. It made no sense to me to panic when I had SO MANY BETTER THINGS TO DO. I see people in a panicked state when money issues arise, and quite frankly, it baffles me. The only thing you can control is your level of proactivity and panic inhibits that. Natural reaction or not, it can be controlled and we’re all better off for it if it is controlled. Applies to any area in your life.

During this time, I read the book, The Secret, and my whole life changed. Even if you cynically justify all faith out of this, I’m still undoubtedly a better person for it. I’m more optimistic, motivated, and level headed (even despite my already outward levelness). Life has always presented me with the things I’ve needed, emotionally, spiritually, or materialistically. For as long as I can remember, my New Years’ Resolution has been “Be more optimistic than I was last year.” Each year, I reflect and see that I’ve succeeded. It’s not hard once the concept that, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, there is always, ALWAYS, a silver lining. Something learned, something gained. No exception. Anyway, immediately upon awakening my brain to these concepts (which offered me a lot of peace with my own confused spirituality, by the way), I saw how much control I really did have over my life and how my situation was already getting better. Within months, I’d lost 30 pounds (I’ve never, ever been able to lose weight), went from single to happily married (thank you eHarmony), owned my first home, embraced another son (same age as my own son), and low and behold, child support started again. While I wasn’t panicking during my own financial crisis, the book helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. If you’ve ever experienced that supreme calm in the midst of an emotional storm with faith that whatever happens is going to be all for the best, this is what I’m talking about. The new understanding I have about the way things work now allows me that comfort in these times when they arise. Love, faith, and gratitude are the emotional keywords here. While this has nothing to do with religion, it has everything to do with your spirit or soul. You don’t have to believe in a higher power to have faith in yourself and your own goodness. Just for discussions’ sake, I do believe in God. But my belief is that He is all encompassing and I do not believe in “His wrath.” HE is love, a universal energy.

Fast forward a couple of years to today. Life is still just as good. But a declined debit card today at breakfast had me realizing that we’d allowed our gratitude for the things we have to move to the back burner. A credit card and quick transfer of money made everything alright, but it’s not how we want to or typically do operate. That was my cue that we need to pay closer attention to our finances for a little while. Not to panic about them, but to simply be mindful of our purchases and family efforts (like making dinner and eating inside our home). Oddly enough, while our debit card was declined, the lady at the register gave my husband 20% off our meager little meal for giving a caller directions to the restaurant. My interpretation of that is that it’s God’s hand on my back, a whisper in the ear, suggesting that we be present. A loss (declined card) balanced out by a gain (less expensive meal). So, we came home and I finished setting up my husband’s information in my Mint.com account. For those who don’t know, Mint.com is an easy to use (and pretty) interface for managing your finances and setting a budget. I get text messages when a payment is due, when I’m over budget, and any number of other issues should I choose to receive alerts. Every Friday, I get a weekly summary of our accounts sent to my phone, which is super handy for the weekend, of course. The best part is that it’s as free as free gets. They can offer this service by offering me, unobtrusively, a single page with credit card offers, investment opportunities, and the like. Of course, if I sign up for one of those through them, they get a bonus. I’m not interested in any of their offers, so it’s nice that it’s all out of the way. And for the record, I’m not getting anything for my praise of this website, I just truly find this site useful. Anyway, finishing merging my husbands information into my account helped me feel like I have a better mental picture of where we stand. Where we stand is pretty darn good compared to what the joint checking account said. It helps to look at the big picture and be able to utilize the smaller picture for short term goals. Anyway, that’s what prompted this whole book of an entry. Just being conscious of our finances, curbing our spending, being grateful for what we have, and having faith that “it’s all good” while I remain mindful of the technicalities. Getting back to basics is a good thing.

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May 19, 2009

The Color of My Walls: Buxton Blue

Filed under: Favorite Things: Design — Steph @ 2:44 pm

I absolutely adore this color. It was, truly, love at first sight when I was flipping through a Pottery Barn catalog and I knew that I had to surround myself with this color. That was years ago. Shortly after first seeing this particular shade of blue, I found a gorgeous, leather, “Buxton Blue” journal and scrawled “The Color of My Walls” on the first page as a sort of christening. Being the hit and run writer that I am, I have numerous pretty journals bought with the good intention of filling their pretty, lined pages that have…well, only seen pen a small handful of times before being set upon a shelf somewhere (usually as decor - I love how they look). Fast forward, two years later, having just finished this guest bathroom remodel, I stumbled upon this long forgotten journal. I open it up, mostly to confirm that I hadn’t written a whole lot, to see my old words scrawled across that page. Sure enough, I walk into the bathroom with the journal and it’s the very same color. These are the little things in life that I crave. Fortunately, my life is full of these kinds of happenings.

Also inside the journal, by the way, was a list of the qualities in a man that I must have. I distinctly remember having completely given up on dating and resigned myself (openly and happily even) to being single until my son was old enough to take care of himself (I was 26 at the time, my boy being about 4 - old enough, by the way was at least 18). I hate dating and I made the list to remind myself that I’m worth it to not settle. To remind me that I’m worth it to set lofty goals and expect the outcome to be fulfilled (and fulfilling). Sure enough, as I run down the list, I’m reading my husband all over. It’s only been two years since I wrote that and we’ve been together almost all of those two years. Shortly after writing in that journal, I did something completely out of character for me, like an urge. I signed up on eHarmony, met my now husband that very first day, and now we’re one of those sappy commercials. Well, we’re not literally in one of those commercials, but our story is like each one you’ve seen on TV. I am so grateful for him and all that he has brought into my life.

We got married, moved, bought our first house - an adorable 1928 “Dollhouse” with a touch of Tudor influence - and have started fixin’ her up. The guest bathroom and now the laundry room, are both Buxton Blue. I would paint every room that color if The Man wouldn’t kill me for it. Slowly but surely, the house is feeling like a home and I now have my favorite color on my walls.

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